Aug 7, 2008
Life Update
Jun 14, 2008
May 26, 2008
Back on the Market
Okay, so I just woke up and realized how pathetic I am. Minus the douchbag from work I dated three years ago, I have been "single" for over 4 years now and almost 5. So to be honest, I'm not sure that I even know how to be in relationship anymore.
Anyways, I'm in a new town and starting a new life for myself...and figure what the hell, I am back on the market. I guess. Well, not to say that I ever wasn't, but I'll keep my options a little more open now.
So that's my update from out of nowhere. I am feeling optimistic.
May 18, 2008
Apr 8, 2008
Mar 17, 2008
Warrensburg
at the right time of the day, warrensburg can be an interesting town.
old men in top hats with cameras, dressed from the 70's.
it has it's quarks.
chinese restaurants and owners that remember you and never fail to ask how your day was.
photo students taking pictures downtown.
old people sitting in their wheelchairs, sitting close to pine street but far enough away only to get a taste of warrensburg's youth.
the youth they once had.
young, odd, mismatched couples sitting on benches in front of the courthouse.
the warm weather that brings them out form hiding.
the smell of college students bbq'ing throughout the town, with loud music constantly echoing throughout.
live bands outside my bedroom window at east pine pub, blending with johnny's wild crew.
the youth, in general.
and people that like to party.
lots of cats and lots of creepers.
every bars uniqueness that attracts it's own group of people.
and the few unique people you will find there.
the teachers that admire their students.
and the teachers that don't care.
and the one's you occasionally see at the bar.
the freshmen that dress in their finest to go to lowclass bars.
the people that are always looking.
the train.
oh god, the train.
Feb 5, 2008
Psychoanalyze Yourself :)
With the first Psychoanalyze Yourself; Don't read ahead, just answer the following questions thought that comes to mind. Then read which each answer means at the end. (No cheating! )
DONT READ AHEAD!!!! just copy and paste then go through and answer the questions.
Here Goes:
1. You are walking in the woods. You are not alone. Who is with you?
MOLLY AND ZOE
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal?
ELEPHANT
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
I PET IT. TALK TO IT..YOU KNOW.
4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing, and before you is your dream house. how big is it?
IT'S NOT TOO BIG. JUST BIG ENOUGH FOR ME AND ALL MY PETS.
5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence? how big is the yard??
YES, THERE IS A FENCE. I CAN'T LET ALL MY ANIMALS RUN FREE. THE YARD IS GIGANTIC. IT'S LIKE A FIELD-YARD.
6. You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see the dining table , what is on it?
PAPERS, MY LAPTOP..
7. You exit the house and a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?
A WINE GLASS
8. what do you do with the cup?
PICK IT UP AND SEE IF THERE IS A SIP LEFT IN IT
9. You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the end of a body of water what kind of water is it?
MOST DEFINITELY THE OCEAN
10. How will you cross the water?
I WON'T CROSS IT, BUT I'LL PADDLE AROUND IN MY LITTLE BOAT FOR A WHILE
After you copy and paste into a new bulletin, and answer ALL the questions above you can look down here.
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The ANSWERS
1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is the most important to you.
MY DOGS? COULD BE TRUE. LOL.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.
THE SIZE OF AN ELEPHANT! AWESOME.
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.
I PET THEM? TALK TO THEM?
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.
SO MY AMBITION ISN'T GIGANTIC..BUT JUST ENOUGH!
5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a closed personality.
HMM...TRUE
6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally happy
OKAY...SO I HAVE A LOT OF BIG PROBLEMS...BUT ARE GENERALLY HAPPY! IRONICALLY, THAT IS TRUE :)
7. The durability of the material that the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.
GLASS? NOT SO DURABLE... GOOD THING I'M NOT IN ANY RELATIONSHIPS I GUESS
8. What you did with the cup is representative of your attitude.
...EVERY LAST SIP
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
DAMN... REALLY?
10. The way you cross the water is representative to how easy or hard you expect your life to be.
SO I JUST PADDLE AROUND THROUGH MY LIFE A BIG...FAIR ENOUGH :)
SO...THAT WAS FUN.
Jan 5, 2008
Thoughts For 2008
I found this on the internet somewhere :)
Thoughts for 2008
Number 8. Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Number 5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Number 4. Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
Number 3. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2. Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax Cut saves you $0.30?
Number 1. In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world Is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Jan 1, 2008
2008
first. my body has been starting to feel like a wasteland.
*wasteland: an uninhabited wilderness that is worthless.--->okay, i don't really feel quite that way.
the point of this is....as i've been getting older, more problems with myself and body arise, and i want to get back to where i was before it gets harder to deal with. it's about starting to take care of and renewing myself. this has recently become really important to me within the past several weeks. in 5 months i will be done with school for good and ready to start a "brand new life"...and i want to start it off feeling "well". i feel like i haven't had a "big change" in awhile....and right now i need one and to get myself back in line. it's time for another new beginning, soo...what better time than now.
i probably, generally, wouldn't take the time to share this....but i think that if i share what i am trying to do, it will be easier to stick to. if i keep it to myself, and fail...no harm done. so now that you all know, you can call me a liar if this doesn't really happen.
anyway,
this is my new years resolution:
1) successfully quit smoking...for real this time.
2) no more eating meat.
3) drink 10 times more water than i drink now. basically, a whole lotta watta!
4) begin exercising again.
i think this idea/resolution/plan is probably absolutely typical, but it's for a good cause so i don't mind.
i am not doing it for anyone else. and it's not about weight or anything like that. when i say i want to stop eating meat, it's not to purposely cut out a food group to eat less. the toxins in meat can do a lot of damage, and also can eventually cause colon cancer. just a quick fact: dioxin is one of the deadliest toxins, and is concentrated in meat levels at 22 times what are safe!! there are other reasons it's not safe, but i won't blab on about it, i imagine you get the point. i just don't want that in my body anymore. it's time to take care of and cleanse my body. and speaking of "cleanse", i think eventually in the year i will do an "actual" body cleanse. such as a whole body detox or colon cleanse. everyone should. and as for exercise, it is about getting fit again, but more importantly about healing. does this sound weird for someone my age to already be thinking about this? i don't know? okay, okay. so i am done talking about that!! i am probably starting to bore you :)
new topic...but leading into the same topic:
i have turned into a youtube maniac lately. it is my by-far-favorite website right now. honestly, i will be up until early in the morning watching peoples ridiculous videos. i have no idea how it happens either. i just can't stop...
there is badass "where did these people come from" musicians, amazing choreographers, people with very interesting ideas....etc. etc.
anyway, i feel weird sometimes for getting so involved in some of these people's lives....but they are sharing it.....so i guess that's the point.
watching all of these vidoes make me miss the days where i aspired to be a "brilliant dancer" and the girl-next-door who played guitar and sang. so....i am thinking about picking up the guitar again? i sold mine to my grandpa, an amazing musician, a year or two ago....and i think i may try and buy it back. i would just buy a new one, but this guitar was soo, so, so beautiful. and as for dancing, i am still taking classes every week...but i have been so lazy with it...so i think it's time to step back up and get with the game.
so..leading back to my resolution!
i don't think anyone knows how excited i am about doing this more than i do. i NEVER, ever make new years resolutions...but this, as i said, has become really important to me. this year is calling for a lot of life changing experiences. for once, i am excited about the future...and if i can just pull myself back together and gain control back over my life again it will make it that much better. i think maybe there is more to my plan than quiting smoking and drinking a lot of water. somehow i managed to lose myself this past year...i made a lot of mistakes, and it's time to start over..again.
did you make it to the end?
Dec 28, 2007
Dec 20, 2007
GAH!
fake?
conceited?
rude and uncaring? selfish?
close minded?
don't listen?: so into yourself that you can only hear the words that come out of your own mouth.
argue for the sake of it? temperamental?
sycophant?
if you fit into any of these characteristics, please stop. you are giving me a headache.
Nov 27, 2007
I'll Never Come Down
when the music's turned up like that, all i can think about is dancing. just that sort of music makes me want to find you. i wanna pick you up. pick you up, and dance. here and now, in the middle of the floor. and then i want to crash on my bed and fall asleep and not have to worry about my day, the rest of the week, or what comes next. i wanna smoke. because when i smoke, my smokes so sweet. sweet like nostalgia. i inhale like flying. i'll never come down. i wanna drink it down, but i can't cause my mind has to be someplace else for now. i need someone to take me away from here...
Oct 26, 2007
I am an INFP!
Dude, this was pretty much dead on!
INFP's are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity. They are often misunderstood by those they incarnate with.
INFPs are known to be the gentle poets of the Universe. They are quiet, creative, and perceptive souls who often strike others as shy, reserved and cool. They have a rare capacity for deep caring and commitment--both to the people and causes they idealise. INFPs guide their behavior by a strong inner sense of values, rather than by convential logic and reason. Forced to cope with this facts-and-figures 'real' world we inhabit, INFPs may appear to have been imported from another galaxy! They gravitate toward creative careers which allow them to use their instinctive sense of empathy. Usually spiritual or philosophical people, INFPs may see the purpose of their lives as an inner journey, quest or personal unfolding. More practical or rational types may tend to discredit the INFP's sources or understanding as mystical. The search for a soulmate is a preoccupation for many INFPs, who must balance their need for privacy and peace with their yearning for human connection. If there seems to be an air of sadness INFP's spirit, blame it on this type's longing for the perfect in all things. Artistic and creative, INFPs live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. INFPs are usually talented writers. They may be awkard and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper. They are also gifted at interpreting symbols - being drawn to metaphors and similes. Because of these gifts they often write in lyric fashion. INFPs often think of several things at once and because of this are sometimes labeled as absentminded. They try to read between the lines, not accepting things at face value.
INFPs are very aware of their own space, and the space of others. They value their personal space, and the freedom to do their own thing. They will cherish the mate who sees the INFP for who they are, and respects their unique style and perspectives. The INFP is not likely to be overly jealous or possessive, and is likely to respect their mate's privacy and independence. In fact, the INFP is likely to not only respect their mate's perspectives and goals, but to support them with loyal firmness.
Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, INFP's natural partner is the ENFJ, or the ESFJ. INFP's dominant function of Introverted Feeling is best matched with a partner whose dominant function is Extraverted Feeling.
Find out what you are (Myers-Briggs Typology)...
Sep 17, 2007
"The Beach"
"I just feel like everyone tries to do something different, but you always wind up doing the same damn thing."
Aug 28, 2007
New Apartment Rules
with the rise of the sun
is now a donation to apartment 206's fun
you can pass out on the sofa
but you better keep it clean
cause if things get x-rated
steven will get mean
have all the fun you want
but please don't make a mess
thanks from the management-liz, steven & jess
To Be Continued....
Mar 26, 2007
:)
Mar 14, 2007
Feb 28, 2007
I had a dream lastnight...
Feb 17, 2007
The College Life
Oct 12, 2006
21
21.
New beginnings.
A bottle of wine.
A new buzz.
A 9 ball.
Japanese flowers.
A piercing pain.
Butterfly ring.
She spreads her wings.
She said start over.
Ready.
Set. Go.
A ticket for a plane.
A year at a time.
A year at a place.
A year to wait.
Great remembrance.
Over.
Anticipation, Gone.
Excitement, Begin.
I will start over.
Beginning now.
Forget you, remember me.
Who am i?
Explore.
No baggage.
Forget you, and forget me.
Forget who I was.
Erase.
A search for clear.
Clean water.
A new that nobody knows.
Fresh water.
From a place i've never dreamed.
A place to claim.
Salt water and sand.
A new mind.
A new memory.
Erase the old.
A new birth.
A new beginning.
Jul 21, 2006
?????
May 1, 2006
Sweetness!
Apr 13, 2006
A True Crisis
Apr 10, 2006
Yum
Apr 6, 2006
Moving
So...April's here and this is my last month of living in Kansas City. It just hit me today, that I'm kind of sad to be leaving.
I'll miss my drives to school and mornings when Longview Lake is covered with fog, or evenings when the sun sets over the lake...taking pictures of that lake. Or always being mesmorized every time I pass the most beautiful pasture I've ever seen. Exploring Kansas City and the small towns around it...always finding some place new and beautiful. I remember one time I kept driving down "Red Bridge Road"...past the red bridge, and then came to this amazing park that was literally covered with geese. I'll miss passing "the old lady" waiting for the bus in the afternoon...who once, on Valentines Day waved to me. I'll miss listening to the cars speeding down the highway at night when I'm going to bed. I'll miss my yellow apartment, and all the stray cats that hang around it. I'll miss good restraunts, like the Mongolian Grill. I'll miss breaking the speed limit everyday, just because I've found out I can get away with it. I'll miss the variety of people I see everyday that you don't normally see in small towns. The friendly mexicans at the 7-11 where I buy my cigarettes at. Being able to buy groceries at a different place every time I need something. Target. I'll miss taking Yoga classes with all of the old ladies...wondering if someday I'll be one of them. I'll miss having a fireplace in my room. Watching stupid shows like Blind Date or Elimadate late at night when I can't go to bed. On weekends, hearing my neighbors loud music through the walls throughout the entire night. I may even miss the days when I had a roomate to go swim or play tennis with at the apartment.
Anyways, Hasta La Vista KC.
Mar 17, 2006
My Wonderful Spring Break
Feb 22, 2006
My Life
Feb 6, 2006
Locks of Love, Baby
Jan 4, 2006
Lifted
Apr 27, 2005
At The Wheel
i was driving home on the highway this afternoon. my eyes and mind wander, everywhere but the road. music can be so hynotising, especially when listened to on a highway that appears endless. as usual, random thoughts flow through my mind. certain things i want to remember, but i have no paper. i find a magic marker, and sketch every thought on my hand and arm. the road becomes invisable to me--until im nearly drifting off it. cars pass me and im passing cars, i cant tell anymore which is which. all i know is it doesnt matter. my desination is home, wherever that is. i drive closely behind a couple. i can see and feel their closeness through the back windshield and it makes me sick and angry with envy. i turn up the volume (led zeppelin--tangerine is now playing on the radio), prop my leg up on the door, light a cigarette and roll down the window.
Apr 15, 2005
This Is How I Feel Today
i remember being younger, playing around in a world that doesnt exist. i had dreams that went on forever. i was going to be a a singer, ballerina, and on tv. i grew up, and those dreams faded away. i got caught up in what was expected of me. in school i would doodle and daydream, id write about love and what it felt like. id create the perfect man. i was always misunderstood, the dreams i did have were never logical to anyone but me.
well,
i still think about them--and maybe someday...
for now, im just waiting until the moment comes. dont tell me, "thats what they all say"...because i wont allow myself to live like this forever. ive been moving around lately from place to place, but its never been far enough. i drive and explore, i get lost sometimes. every now and then i think about how fun it would be to just wake up and drive to where i belong. im getting ready to move again, and get a degree in the only thing i understand. art. im passionate about art, and i wish everyone could see the things i see. lately things havent been so easy, circumstances have put me down. sometimes i think how nice it would be if i just didnt know, the things ive found out. ive put myself here though, and someday ill go back where i started. another month of school and summer will be here. ill mostly be working, to pay the bills that will come again in august. but i want to go somewhere and i have a few ideas running through my head. i do need to get away, and out of here for a moment.
anytime i can leave and see something new, my dreams become clearer--and i need that right now. i wish i could turn back time 10 years, and start over from there. as ive grown older, i have become so molded and lost sight of who i am. or maybe i am who i am, and i just regret it. i know what its like to be truely happy, and i know what its like to be truely sad. right now im just floating in the middle, i understand things arent the way i ever imagined them to be right now--but i also know that eventually ill know what it feels like again to be living on the other side.