This Is How I Feel Today

i remember being younger, playing around in a world that doesnt exist. i had dreams that went on forever. i was going to be a a singer, ballerina, and on tv. i grew up, and those dreams faded away. i got caught up in what was expected of me. in school i would doodle and daydream, id write about love and what it felt like. id create the perfect man.  i was always misunderstood, the dreams i did have were never logical to anyone but me.

well, 

i still think about them--and maybe someday... 

for now, im just waiting until the moment comes. dont tell me, "thats what they all say"...because i wont allow myself to live like this forever. ive been moving around lately from place to place, but its never been far enough. i drive and explore, i get lost sometimes. every now and then i think about how fun it would be to just wake up and drive to where i belong. im getting ready to move again, and get a degree in the only thing i understand. art. im passionate about art, and i wish everyone could see the things i see. lately things havent been so easy, circumstances have put me down. sometimes i think how nice it would be if i just didnt know, the things ive found out. ive put myself here though, and someday ill go back where i started. another month of school and summer will be here. ill mostly be working, to pay the bills that will come again in august. but i want to go somewhere and i have a few ideas running through my head. i do need to get away, and out of here for a moment. 

anytime i can leave and see something new, my dreams become clearer--and i need that right now. i wish i could turn back time 10 years, and start over from there. as ive grown older, i have become so molded and lost sight of who i am. or maybe i am who i am, and i just regret it. i know what its like to be truely happy, and i know what its like to be truely sad. right now im just floating in the middle, i understand things arent the way i ever imagined them to be right now--but i also know that eventually ill know what it feels like again to be living on the other side.